Love is a great thing, and it seems to be everywhere. Everywhere you look you see couples in love. If you are in a relationship you barely notice, but if you aren’t in a relationship you can’t help but notice. Relationships truly are great but if you are single and missing the joys of a relationship — that obsession can really get in your way of finding love. In her article for Match.com, Jane Hoskyn said, “The more desperate you are, the more desperate you’ll seem, and the less sexy you’ll be.”
There is a fine line between being happily involved and acting desperate. Do any of these behaviors apply to you?
You are always available
You are always at his beck and call. Any time the person asks you to get together you are willing to rearrange your schedule to be with him. Don’t get me wrong, it is good to make time for the person you are in a relationship with, but if you are always available, it can be a sign of desperation. Accepting every invitation especially those that are on late notice, shows the other person you don’t have much going on aside from him.
You lower your standards
In other words, you make yourself available to those you wouldn’t otherwise give a second look. If you drop your standards to date the guy or girl who doesn’t have desirable traits, it can be a sign of desperation. You know what you deserve. Don’t settle for less. When you date someone who falls below your standards, you are settling for someone who doesn’t deserve you.
You are clingy
Do you find yourself constantly texting, calling and trying to spend every waking moment with him? You are being clingy. Give him or her room to breathe. If you are trying to be part of every single part of his day, he will feel like you aren’t giving him space, and it will scare him away. Give him space and, in turn, be sure your space is respected as well. You don’t need to be with him every second of the day. Truthfully, it’s better if you aren’t. Forcing constant contact merely sheds light on your insecurities.
Getting too involved too quickly
A new relationship is a major boost to one’s outlook on life. But if you’re planning the life you and your partner are going to have together, and it has only been a few months, you need to slow down. Your new partner might simply be testing the waters with you and being too involved too early can put a wedge in your relationship. Take your time and enjoy getting to know the person before you get overly involved.
You need constant relationship status updates
“What are we?” “Where is this going?” If you are asking for weekly relationship updates, you’re going to drive your partner away. Needing constant reassurance shows your own insecurity about being in a relationship. It’s like driving a five-hour trip and having a little kid asking “are we there yet?” every five minutes. Focus less on the status of the relationship and more on getting to know the person. The status will come with time.
You are constantly trying to please
If you are agreeing to like the same things he likes in the hopes he will like you more, or you are changing things about yourself for the same reason, it screams desperation. He should like you for who you are. Don’t change yourself for the people you date because you will lose sight of who YOU are. Are You Showing These 5 Signs of Desperation by eHarmony says, “The trouble with someone like this is that you will never really be able to trust them or get close to them because, at a fundamental level, they are being dishonest with themselves and with you.” Be yourself and be true to who you are. They should love you for you.
Desperation is an ugly little thing that can damage relationships. Don’t let your insecurities get the better of you. Be proud of who you are and don’t change yourself for someone just to get another date. Be honest with him and yourself. Being confident and independent, prioritizing, and doing what’s best for you will pay off. Desperation will drive potential dates away. Confidence, however, is a proven trait that will get you more dates and will make you happier in many other aspects of life aside from dating.